


Love Letters

by Author_Chan06



Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: But then he gets betrayed, Developing Relationship, Dimension Travel, Fights, Ford likes Bill, Love Letters, Love/Hate, M/M, Memories, Mind Manipulation, Minor Bill Cipher/Ford Pines, Misunderstandings, Pining, Portals, Sibling Incest, Unrequited Crush
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-13
Updated: 2021-01-24
Packaged: 2021-03-16 06:22:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 4,450
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28702116
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Author_Chan06/pseuds/Author_Chan06
Summary: Ever since Stanford had been little he’d had a special connection to his brother. He figured it was just twin love, but as he got older he figured out it was more than that, but he was too scared to confess.So he formed a habit he didn’t even break years later when his brother was thrown out, or even when he was pulled into the portal, writing a Love Letter a year for his brother.
Relationships: Ford Pines/Stan Pines
Comments: 2
Kudos: 15





	1. Letter #1

_Dear Stanley,_

_Writing this note is as much embarrassment I can take, and I can’t force myself to give it to you - yet..._

_I still hope one day I will have the courage to hand it over, but that day seems far, far away._

_So for now I’ll just write these embarrassing notes and guard them with my life._

_If anyone else found those my life would be ruined, and I fear I would drag you down with me._

_That cannot happen. So I will never show a living soul, that isn’t one of us these papers._

_It just so happens that I’m in love with you. I wish I could lie and say I’m not sure or that I meant it in a brotherly manner? But I can’t. That would be an outright lie._

_And I can never lie to you._

_You’ve always been able to tell when I was. I remember so many times you would easily read out cons, and lies._

_It seemed to be one of your biggest talents._

_I wonder if it still is by the time I finally get the courage to give this to you?_

_\- 10 Year Old Stanford_


	2. Chapter 2

_Dear Stanley,_

_Hello again. This is the second year on your birthday that I’ve written these as a gift. I’ll probably chicken out and hide it with the other, but I might as well go on and write it anyway. So that when the day comes I’ll have more to give you? And it will hopefully show how much I care and really love you._

_I wonder if you’ve ever noticed how much I look at you. I think some of the kids at school have. When we were younger it was easily just written off as us being siblings - twins - but recently we’ve been growing up and our classmates seem to realize we’re not even close to leaving each other’s side, and with me being around you all the time, it could be really easy for an outsider to see what’s happening._

_I really hope they don’t, but we don’t live in a fairytale, fantasy, world._

_Sometimes, my bullies bring it up, probably joking, trying to make me feel gross when they talk about my own brother like that. But, well their words hit way to close to home._

_Those are usually the type of bullying sessions I hide from you, because even if I said they said something about my hands or me not having any other friends, like I said in the last note, you would know I was lying._

_But I shouldn’t use these letters to talk about my problems. These are supposed to be Love Letters, but - as you are aware - I’m not that great at anything romantic._

_Maybe these will help that?_

_Alright, I’ll try to be romantic...I daydream a lot, you know that of course, but you don’t know what I daydream about. I always lie, and even though you know that you never dig, and I’m glad, I’m very grateful, just for the record._

_One of my new ones was about us once we got the Stan O’ War up and running._

_We were older - around 30ish - and I was planning to confess to you. You actually reciprocated! I was ecstatic._

_I took you out to dinner, then we went out to the peer. Nobody judged us and we were able to act like a normal couple._

_I thought it was perfect. I still do._

_I wish we could do that. But we can’t, and that’s fine I suppose.  
_

_Even getting a chance would be more than I could ever ask for._

_\- 11 Year Old Stanford_


	3. Letter #3

_Dear Stanley,_

_I chickened out again last year, but Happy Birthday Stanley! I hope you love my other gift and I hope I’m not an idiot and ruin our day._

_I always liked our birthday for that reason. It’s something for us._

_It ours. Both of ours. Not one or the others. We may be different in many ways, but there are always things we can’t change that make us equals._

_Different but the Same._

_I think that sums us up pretty well doesn’t it?_

_Our lives, our faces, our interests..._

_It is quite poetic, I think. I wonder what you think. I hope to be able to talk to you about this one day. Although I will probably die of embarrassment. But it will be worth it._

_For you I would do anything. And I know you would do the same. I don’t even have to ask. I can tell. I want to think I know you inside out, and while that might not be fully true, I know you enough._

_It must me a twin thing, or it could be something completely different._

_But I won’t allow myself to dwell on anything like that for long. Whether you feel the same or not...I don’t know, all I know is how I feel and that I don’t plan on telling you anytime soon._

_Im gonna have to try something soon, not this year, but before we grow up.You're probably not going to like it - neither do I._

_Hanging around you so much will start to seem even more suspicious as we age. It’s like our own ticking clock, I can hear it..._

_Can you?_

_\- 12 Year Old Stanford_


	4. Letter #4

_Dear Stanley,_

_We started high-school. It’s different - but not necessarily bad. It’s also the same in some ways._

_And you continue to be the biggest constant in my life._

_It’s as reassuring as it is terrifying._

_I love you. No doubts. Hell! I don’t even feel that guilty anymore. Of course I still feel guilty, but after having these - strong - emotions for so long, it’s just really hard to be disgusted by them anymore, they’re just a part of my life._

_Which is were the terror come in._

_I know once we get older, we’ll have to separate more often. For college, work, and maybe you’ll have a girlfriend - or boyfriend, I won’t judge - and maybe you’ll move out.  
_

_No matter what I say, or how I act, the Stan O’ War’s been our dream for years, and I worried that as we age you’ll just forget about it._

_But that’s ridiculous! You would never leave me. I just wish I could stop thinking for a moment. I might ask you to sleep in my bed with me tonight. Tell you I can’t sleep and how it’ll be like old times or something along those lines._

_I always sleep better with you next to me. It might help with these nightmares I’ve been having._

_Those are another thing that have set off these type of thoughts. After talking to the guidance councilor she talked about what I wanted to do when I got older. I told her about the Stan O’ War and she didn’t like the idea. She told me I should go to college, and that I would be more successful that way. But I didn’t want to.  
_

_College over a life with my brother? I couldn’t. It seemed ridiculous. A life without you..._

_I’m not gonna say I couldn’t see it, but I didn’t like what I saw. I didn’t want to see it, and that’s - I’m guessing - where the nightmares came from._

_In these nightmares, you always end up leaving or being took away. Sometimes you leave because you find me annoying, and in others you’re token away because I confessed and we got together, then someone found out. That changes too. Sometimes it was dad, sometimes mom, and sometimes we were caught by a bunch of faceless bullies at schools._

_They never end well, and I’ve been having them often. At least a few times a week, and I’m unsure what to do._

_These nightmares have lead me to see my worst fear is losing you._

_\- 13 Year Old Stanford_


	5. Letter #5

_Dear Stanley,_

_We’ve been even closer this year than we even were when we were kids, and I don’t know what to make of it._

_I’m still having those nightmares and the intensities only gotten worse. Like it’s trying to warn me of something. I’m still not sure what but I’ll figure it out soon. It’ll be important, I can feel that._

_Anyway, this year somethings been - ...different..._

_You’ve been closer this year but, somehow you’ve also been as distant as you’ve ever been. Like that one time we got into our biggest fight and you ignored me for a few days._

_Which doesn’t make sense but it’s somehow true._

_I hope you’re ok, maybe you’re just feeling off? Or what if you’re having these dreams too? I’ve read about paranormal that mess with the mind before. I have the books in the closet._

_You dealing with these too would solve all this. You’d be just like me._

_Wanting to be around the other more because the thought of losing them hurts so badly, but wondering about what would happen when we had to split. So you think ‘Maybe if I slowly back away they won’t be hurt and it’ll hurt less’ but you still don’t want too, so you wrestle with the feeling while trying to act like everything’s normal, and fine._

_That got sort of personal - but yes, I feel like that. It’s like my head is constantly at odds, wanting to do two different things, but not actually wanting to do one of them._

_You’re so confusing. This is confusing. Emotions are confusing._

_Sometimes I wish I didn’t have any. But then I think..._

_What would I have to live for without my love for Stanley?_

_And those thoughts leave immediately._

_\- 14 Year Old Stanford_


	6. Letter #6

_Dear Stanley,_

_We’re 15 now! I can’t believe it! Time sure does fly. Honestly it’s hard to believe even though I lived it._

_...Stanley? You won’t leave right? Life won’t go like those stupid nightmares, right?_

_Never mind, that’s ridiculous. No, you wouldn’t. Not after all the work we got done on the Stan O’ War. It should be done by the end of Senior year!_

_We’re so close of getting out of this town, maybe then I’ll show you these letters. Set them down on the dock - knowing you, which I do, you’ll have them read by the time I can restock, we can talk about them, maybe we’ll even kiss(?), and we can have a date night! Mystery hunting, dinner, clubbing; Whatever you want, we’ll do. As long as you’re around, it’ll be perfect._

_You know, Stanley, sometimes I feel dumb for doing this. Making a gift I know I’m not going to give you, writing a letter I’m not sure I’ll ever have enough courage to give you..._

_But I suppose I’ll keep doing it. At least for a few more years._

_\- 15 Year Old Stanford_


	7. Letter #7

_Dear Stanley,_

_I’ve read up even more about those ‘dream demons’, and depending on who it is they might be doing it for fun, or they might be trying to tell me something.  
_

_And I have an idea of what they’re trying to say._

_Remember that thing I said I would have to do, that neither of us would like. Well I’m starting that now._

_I’m sorry._

_Please know I don’t like this just as much as you don’t...Maybe even less._

_I’ll start out with smaller things. I’m going to throw myself into my studies a little more. A little bit of time apart won’t hurt, and we can go from there._

_You can learn what you like, and I can too. We need life’s apart from each other. Even if I don’t want too._

_But it’s for the better. Co-dependency isn’t a good thing, especially when you can’t function when the other person has just left the house for a few hours._

_It’s for the best, I know but it doesn’t make it any easier._

_You’re my brother, my twin, my blood, my best friend, my protector, my motivation, my shoulder to cry on, my first crush, my first love._

_I know it sounds cheesy buts it’s true. You’re all I’ve ever known, and taking a step back - no matter how small - feels overwhelming. Like I’m losing the biggest constant in my life. Without you my life would be a mess of chaos, I just know it, call it gut instinct or something. I know I don’t usually believe in that type of thing but well..._

_You’ve always been an exception to me, so I suppose it makes sense._

_It’s just... You’re my other half, what happens when you pull that apart? Even if just a little?_

_\- 16 Year Old Stanford_


	8. Letter #8

_Dear Stanley,_

_I’ve been doing it. Oh god, I have and I hate it! I don’t know if I can keep doing this._

_I did exactly what I said I would. I started studying longer, only for an hour or so. Then I asked mom to let me get the groceries, and I started doing that weekly. It wasn’t that bad at the start.  
_

_We still went to the peer on the weekends, sat together at lunch, you helped with the bullies, we worked on the Stan O’ War at least 2 times a week, and I still slept in your bed often - more often than not._

_The next thing I figured that needed to change would be the bed issue, or at least I’m trying to convince myself it’s an issue. So I only allowed myself to sleep next to you 4 times a week. After all I’m also trying to make sure you hardly notice. I don’t want either of us to hurt from this transition, and while I know that it’s impossible, I want to make sure it hurts as little as possible._

_Anyway - then I started not going with the peer with you. Of course, not every weekend. More like every 3 or so weeks I came up with an excuse ‘studying, chores, headache, sick’, all the basics, still not a good liar after all._

_Sometimes I would cave and come with you anyway, but I have to keep this going. I think you’re realizing somethings off, which means I’ll hang out a little more this week, not like we used too, but a nice middle ground, and hopefully you’ll drop it._

_Since I’ve been sleeping by myself more often the nightmares are coming back even worse than before. I’m not sure what to do about it them yet but I have just started staying up late and setting multiple alarms during the night. Trying to limit my REM sleep._

_Its...hard. But those dreams are focusing on realism so much that it’s messing with my head. It’s all feels too real, sounds too real, looks too real. Somethings definitely up, and I have no idea what._

_And that...Really bugs me._

_\- 17 Year Old Stanford_


	9. Letter #9

~~_Dear_ ~~ _Stanley,_

_You’re gone._

_You’re actually gone. Just like the dreams but so much worse. Because it’s real, this isn’t a dream I can just wake up from. A horrid nightmare._

_I-...don’t know what to do now. My emotions are all over the place. I feel like I hate you but it’s so weird, an odd slimy feeling and I don’t like it. I still love you, but I feel so betrayed(?) I didn’t know you had this type of thing in you..._

_I’ve known you had always been the more violent out of us both but this... this wasn’t some playground bullies! This was MY PROJECT!  
_

_And even after that I still can’t get myself to stop writing this stupid note. I’m never going to give it to you if we never see each other again, and it seems to be headed this way._

_I still think of you. I miss you something horrible. I sometimes lay in your bed and it helps with the nightmares._

_The nightmares...god. They’re horrible! They’re realistic and gory and violent, it’s like torture!_

_I don’t know. I don’t know anymore. The nightmares, college coming up, you’re gone, the bullies; I don’t know._

_Im not sure I ever will again._

_\- 18 Year Old Stanford_


	10. Letter #10

_~~Dear~~ _ _Stanley_ _,_

_College isn’t horrible. It’s incredibly dull sometimes but over all it’s fine, sometimes I would dare say it’s - nice._

_I made my first friend, his names Fiddleford Mcgucket, he’s also my roommate._

_I still have had no luck in romance or anything around it. As much as I loathe to admit it, I still ~~love~~ like you quite a bit, after all you were my twin. It will be difficult to get over this all, but...I’ll try. I have too._

_That betrayal stung, worse than any of the words those bullies threw, or the whacks of fathers belt, because I trusted you. And then you ruined it!  
_

_Why couldn’t you have just stayed home? Maybe I should have been more adamant? I should have never left you on those swings, I could tell you were distressed, but I was too excited, and I neglected to help you, and now..._

_Well I suppose I don’t know what you’re doing. I just know I worry. I don’t act it but i still care._

_I don’t think I could ever stop caring._

_-19 Year Old Stanford_


	11. Letter #11

_~~Dear~~ Stanley,_

_I’ve thrown myself fully into college, I barely have time to think of anything else. And when I do, I make sure to play D, & D & More D with Fiddleford._

_I just can’t think about it. If I do I feel I’ll break, which is why this letters going to be so short._

_I still can hardly believe you would do this Stanley.  
_

_I don’t know. ~~Maybe I should have listened to you first~~ You betrayed me._

_I hope you apologize one day. Then we can maybe start over and get to know each other again._

_It still feels surreal. Sometimes I go to tell you something before I remember you’re not there, It’s a lot to get used to._

_You’ve always been there, even if I didn’t want you to be. You’re stubborn that way. ~~I’ve always loved that about you.~~_

_Just... I wish things were different, but they’re not, and no matter what - I can’t help but at least hope you’re ok._

_\- 20 Year Old Stanford_


	12. Letter #12

~~_Dear_ ~~ _Stanley,_

_I just finished my 3rd year of college! I wonder what you’re up to? I hope you’re ok. I’m sure you’ve figured something out... ~~right?~~_

_I have an idea of what I want to do with my life. Now that the Stan O’ War dreams behind me, I want to do something slightly different. I still want to find anomalies but I’m not going to use the boat because ~~without you the dream would be incomplete~~ I have a better idea._

_I’ve been reading and researching different parts of the world. Finding the places that have the most anomaly sightings, and talking to some peers and professors about how to obtain a loan for scientific purposes._

_The research is not fully done yet but it will be by the end of the year, and that is all I need._

_Maybe I can finally reach out to you? No, maybe you don’t want to talk to me. You did seem pretty upset when dad threw you out. ~~Which is understandable.~~_

_I want to forgive you, but I also don’t. My emotions are alien to me most of the time, so I need to do some - as they call it - soul searching._

_I still love you. That is certain. But I don’t want to!  
_

_My mind seemed to be insistent on confusing me, and battling each other until my dying days._

_I’m smart right? A genius even._

_So why can’t I figure this out?_

_Why don’t I understand? Why can’t I stop loving you? Why can’t I detangle my emotions?_

_It shouldn’t be this hard._

_There has to be an answer. Somehow, someway I’m get over you._

_Because as far as I’m concerned..._

_You’re an old chapter trying to push itself into a new book._

_\- 21 Year Old Stanford_


	13. Letter #13

_~~Dear~~ Stanley,_

_I finished college, and I moved away! I found the town I was looking for._

_It’s pretty far away, and it is a surprisingly small town but the statistics don’t lie. I should be able to find anomalies there. Possible more than I could imagine!_

_I’ve always dreamed about getting my work published, ‘Making it big-‘ as you called it. This is just another step to get to that. I’m going to make it, and stop thinking about you._

_Even though you’re my brother, it doesn’t mean I should feel horrible every day because of you. I DON’T owe that to you, and I refuse to let myself._

_So I’m going to push you out of my mind until next year. In the future I’m sure I’ll keep righting these ridiculous letters, it’s seems to have stuck with me, but I’ve given up. I know I’ll never give these to you, and quite frankly, I’m glad._

_You don’t deserve to hear the wonderful things I said about you in my youth._

_Take that as you will, but I do not care. I’m done._

_I NEED to move on._

_..._ _So I will._

_I’m moving away from my old life, and you’re a part of it._

_I can survive without you, I’ve been doing it for years. You’re not my ‘other half’ as I poetically put it. Or at least, not anymore._

_I’ll make up a new other half, pull myself together, work hard, and make myself whole. Without you... I can do it. I can do everything, and anything. You will not hold me back. I will not allow it._

_No. I’m Ford. Not a duo. Not a half. Not a Twin._

_I’m myself, an individual, a whole, a genius, and I’m going to get through this._

_I’ll get through everything._

_And that’s a promise._

_\- 22 Year Old Stanford_


	14. Letter #14

~~_Dear_ ~~ _Stanley,_

_I’ve met someone. He’s...odd. But not in a bad way. He’s smart and is helping me in my work. I actually told him about you, only a few days ago. He believes I should forgive you, but not for you, only for myself. He want’s me to heal._

_Fix myself..._

_I know I’ll never get fully over you. After all you’re...my twin._

_It feels impossible and I know it is. But that doesn’t mean I can’t move on, try again, and have my own life._

_Yes. That is what I must do._

_With my research going well and my life project getting started up, this is the perfect start to a new life._

_I’m sure you would be proud._

_Or at least I hope you’d be. I bet you wouldn’t understand most of what I’m doing. Too nerdy, right?  
_

_I didn’t ever actually mind your teasing, and I think you knew that. That’s why you kept doing it. I actually kind of -...loved it. It meant you knew me, enough to have jokes and know when it was going too far._

_I don’t know. It’s hard to explain.  
_

_I guess it just make’s me feel like we lived in our own little world._

_And in some way I suppose we did..._

~~_I sometimes wish to go back to that_~~ ~~_world_~~

_It was a beautiful world. With the Stan ‘O War finished, the bullies gone, and us...together. Till the day we die._

_That world... you sent me too, even if you didn’t know it, every time you looked into my eyes, every time you cheered me up after a round of bullying, every time you said my name..._

_It was magical._

_\- 23 Year Old Stanford_


	15. Letter #15

~~_Dear_ ~~ _Stanley,_

_This years been great!_

_I’ve been getting closer to Bill, and the portals had some fantastic progress. My research is going good, as well. I’m learn a lot about this city and the anomalies around it. I’ve been recording it all in a journal, and I think I’m going to need another eventually._

_I’ve also been getting these phone calls...Are they you?  
_

_I thought I could hear crying, but it was faint so I’m not a hundred percent sure. But I did hear breathing. So someone was on the phone. But no matter how much I urged they never said anything. It was slightly unnerving..._

_But no matter, life’s doing me well. Maybe after all these years things have finally started going my way?_

_Now all I need is to stop having the nightmares. Luckily, moving away seems to have lessened them. But they have not gone away completely. I might ask Bill about them.  
_

_If we ever meet again I must tell you of all of the creatures I’ve met, and all I’ve learned. Maybe if I just found out where you were I could sent you a postcard, and we could talk things out._

_That never was our strong suit was it? It must be a Pine’s family thing..._

_But maybe we should try?_

_\- 24 Year Old Stanford_


	16. Letter #16

~~_Dear_ ~~ _Stanley,_

_This year reminds me of something Ma said when I asked about love. “True love isn’t a one time thing, it’s something ya make with another. But one thing about love ya should remember is it feels different every time.”_

_My love for you is...overbearing but perfect. I feel like you’re a part of me, and without you everything seems less vibrant, less whole. It’s beautiful, and horrifying. I feel like we know each other inside, and out. How we act around each other is more relaxed, like no ones really around. It all feels so natural. Like we’re meant to be..._

_But, I think now I know what Ma was talking about._

_I told you about Bill before, yes?_

_I think I love him? Emotions are odd, but I think I’ve finally figured it out._

_The love I feel for him is different. He’s not my other half. No, he’s an addition, we fit together perfectly, but still are whole when apart. When I’m around him I feel nervous and giddy, like I’m small. But it feels good? Like he could protect me from anything, so I don’t need to worry. I trust him with my life. He’s my muse. My friend. My confident._

_While I took great joy in telling and teaching to you all I knew, he already knows. We can talk for hours about physics, and the different worlds he’s seen. He knows more than I do about some things, and I actually learn new things as well as he._

_I do not know if I’m explaining this well...But I have a feeling you will understand._

_You do know me quite well._

_\- 25 Year Old Stanford_


End file.
